Top 20 Reasons
Dogs Don't Use Computers

note 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

note 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

note 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

note 17. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.

note 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

note 15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

note 14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

note 13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

note 12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

note 11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

note 10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

note 9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

note 8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

note 7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

note 6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

note 5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

note 4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

note 3. Annoyed by lack of news groups, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

note 2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

note 1. TrO{D A[R,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *

( * 1. Too Darn Hard To Type With Paws. )

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